"Earn Your Right To Wear White" and ignorance on your wedding night.

Thanks to Feministing for this link. Check out the undies.

For those who don't want to bother chasing the links, the undies comprise of one white thong with ABSTAIN in big letters across the front and "Earn your right to wear white" in little red letters. What is this suppose to achieve I wonder?

Is it supposed to serve as a little reminder for horny teens getting it on at the drive-in? What's going to happen? Boy reads message and says, "What the...." and girl says, "Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm saving myself for marriage. Tee hee!" Or maybe it's more of a warning than a reminder: "Succumb to the evil carnal pleasures tonight and hell fire will await you, you slut!" Oooh yes, better keep those undies on Miss, God doesn't like you when you like it.

*sigh*

Seriously now. The thing that gets me about virgins being prized above those who have dared to brave the sweatier parts of coupledom, is that it's only a good thing for the bloke. Other than being prized for something she hasn't done, Little Miss Virgin loses big time.

First of all, here's why it's a good thing for the bloke:
1. Guarantee that no other seed has contaminated his breeding vessel.
2. Little Miss Virgin is going to have no idea how shit he is in the sack having no one to compare him to. It will be years before she figures this out, if ever, so he won't need to make any effort with regard to her satisfaction until then. Woohoo!

Lets see how little Miss Virgin fairs:
1. Her perceived "value" goes up which is fine and dandy as long as all she wanted to be was someone's breeding ground and house cleaner.
2. If she thinks that losing your virginity is going to be all Mills and Boon type milk and ambrosia she's in for a nasty shock. Personally I count losing my virginity as one of my all time sexual lows. Painful, bitterly disappointing (I'd read too much Mills and Boon), something I wanted to get over with, and compared to later sexual encounters with different people DEAD BORING.
3. If she never gets married she never gets to have sex. The only people who love God that much are nuns, and even they get their end away occasionally (see Emma Dickens, Immaculate Contraception).
4. If he turns out to be the kind of lazy douche bag who won't go down her and believes female orgasms are a myth she's stuck with him.

There are worse things than being a lazy douche bag in the sack though. How about blokes who have educated themselves via bad porn and thus, having never actually seen a girl have an real orgasm, think that all there is to women and their sexual enjoyment is a bit of a moan here and there. Or maybe he's the kind that thinks sex is just for procreation and that she should take it lying down like a good girl? What about blokes who seriously believe that the clitoris is "hard to find" and thus don't look too hard for it? (For any possessors of the Y chromosome who may have read this far, it's front and centre.) Also, if HE doesn't have sex before marriage he's going to have no idea on her wedding night, other than what he's read about or seen on the television. Those of us who are a bit better travelled in the sweaty arena can say unequivocally that IT'S NOT LIKE ON TV and that trying to make it so will lead to disappointment. The way I see it, to double the inexperience on the wedding night is to double the ignoramus disaster, and triple the pain for the girl.

I'd love to say more, but I've run out of time. I'll leave you lovely well-meaning Abstinence (Misery) Pushers with this:

Your God is not a fun God.