I'm back. Or at least, I think I am.

Applying for scholarships again after a long break for reasons that I may or may not stick up here. In other words, real life and personal reasons. It has occurred to me that documentation of these events could be illuminating given that I'm semi-articulate and self absorbed enough to enjoy writing about personal drama. However, the fact that I was not even able to do that is an indication that I should think very carefully before going public.

I'm wading through old essays in an attempt to trace my developing interest in consciousness. It's a fascinating ride, and I've decided to put up a few snippets here, but before I do:

Important tip for part-timers - always, always look back over old essays. I have just realised that many of the positions I hold today are held for reasons that I have FORGOTTEN because I came into them years ago. So when I'm asked to justify them now I look like a complete eeejit, frantically grasping for memories I couldn't possibly be expected to retrieve in moments after a break of over ten years. Looking over these documents is like reading the journey of my arrival. It's so enlightening that I can't recommend it highly enough to people who have to complete their degrees at a snail's pace.

It's also an interesting example of extended mind :)

Sermon over.

There are so many references to it that I am vividly recalling my frustration at the word limit and how often I was picked up on a statement I did not have room to justify. Hopefully postgraduate study will allow me to justify to my heart's content, so wish me luck!

My frustration with the often tenebrous use of the terms consciousness and mind are evident in a 2000 tutorial assignment:

"How am I to answer a question about a Problem of Other Minds when I could not say for certain what features just one mind would possess?"

I was thinking about this ten years ago, and the question STILL bugs me today. This is a good, good sign :)

My frustration with the word limits, expressed in an essay:

"Since it is impossible in 2000 words to cover all philosophical theories of perception, I shall cover the central issues by using Fred Dretske's entry in my Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy as a guide..."

Actually this was complete crap. I had left this particular essay until the last minute and had to springboard 2000 words off a ~100 word dictionary entry - I was convinced I'd failed spectacularly. However, it seems that philosophy lecturers like it when you focus on one microscopic point and take it to pieces. Who knew?

Dear diary, What's Wrong With Me?

I've written three hundred blog posts in my head I'm sure. If not three hundred, at least 30 and none of them are making it to the ether. This could be because I'm time poor and trying to get to sleep early. But I think it's rather a depressing lack of motivation caused by the roller coaster I've been on for the past couple of months. I think if I have to do one more extreme high (e.g. relief of Mum dying, 11yo with his A average) followed by an extreme low (e.g. Mum dying, missing out on scholarship) I might just risk life and limb and jump off the ride.

I do have time to write. I'm going to bed at 2200 and finding that I'm still wide awake at 0100 and wondering why didn't do something useful rather than stew fretfully in bed listening to the walrus choking on a fish next to me.

Activities that normally entertain me have lost their appeal. The thought of trolling pro-life websites and picking holes in their logic, usually fun, just fills me with a tiredness bordering on despair. Because study next year is still up in the air I can't pick up any philosophy or psycho-neurology without feeling depressed and pointless. Much of my feminist rants were anger driven and the anger just isn't there at the moment.

I can't get pissed off, I can't get motivated, and with the aid of Travis I seem to have cried myself out over my mother. All the cleaning an tidying has left me with a still overflowing in-tray and a house that is only half orderly so the thought of doing more to no avail makes me miserable.

Coffee with friends always helps, as do lists that I can tick so I can see that I've accomplished something for the day. Charming, cheeky 11yo boys always bring sunshine into the house. But right now... right now I just might break out the new toy...

To my lovely work mates.

Hmmm. From the logs it looks like someone from work has been checking this blog out.



There are three things my lovely work mates should know.

a) I am not my blog, my blog is not me.

My blog is a slice of my ego, it is not necessarily the nicest portion either. This blog is where I get things off my chest. Do not confuse ventings here with my meat-space self.

b) There are things I post here about my life outside work that you may regret knowing.

Some things you can't "unread" - proceed with caution.

c) I am actually happy to answer questions in meat-space, though you may be disappointed with the responses I give there!

Cheers peeps :-) See you for coffee.

New Blog for my Family Stuff

I've done it. I've finally decided to cut the personal from this blog and stick it somewhere pink. Literally.

Blogger does not have a convenient tool to move posts from one blog to another so I am laboriously cutting and pasting. Progress will be slow. Since Blogger's failing means I will not be able to move posts and retain comments, I will not delete the few posts that have comments and redirect readers to them.

Because issues like birth and breast feeding are both personal and political, I may post some items on both blogs. I don't know how it will pan out yet.

I'm doing this because posts about taking your toddler into the disabled loo didn't gel well with posts about pro-life pollies. Also, I wanted to get my mother off Emervents and into a more family oriented blog. I want to write about her, then I see my most recent posts here and it feels all wrong.

Hopefully this will cure my writer's block re my mother, because I think some of the stuff I found out is useful, especially for anyone having to care for an alcoholic.

I don't know what to do about my Orgasmic Birth writer's block though... maybe I'll be able to get to it once I start my new job tomorrow... speaking of writing... I still haven't found any Jane Austin :-(

Back!

Hi Folks, I'm back from a lovely family holiday and eager to get back into blogging.  But first there is...... washing.  The glamorous underbelly of motherhood.

See you soon!